A Little About Myself

I’m a christian, saved when I was four years old through my parents. I went to a church called Grace Center (once known as Abounding Grace) since I was one years old. I went there for 19 years consistently and still do somewhat. My age group was taught how to prophesy since 3rd grade and for years we practiced hearing the Lord’s voice to encourage, strengthen, and build up each other. 
      Now, I was saved at four but that didn’t mean much to me until I was around ten. That’s when I heard stories of people who had experienced heaven and rose from the dead. From the stories I glimpsed the manifestation of what God’s goodness looked like. Since then I became eager to know the God who would make such a wonderful heaven for his children. Over the next few years in youth group I built friendships, listened to sermons, worshiped God, and grew a personal relationship with Him. 
     Around the age of 13, I began to experience God on a regular basis like no one else I know. I enjoyed the sound of His voice, his perfect words, the warmth of his presence, and his spirit which transformed my heart weekly. I irreversibly fell in love with the God who loves me more than I can describe. I didn’t need anyone to tell me to love God or tell me what He wanted. I had been loved by God personally and was learning from Him. My relationship with Him became the soul focus of my life. 
     About the age of 15, I was mislead by many old covenant teachings that tangled me up into religion, works, the law, strife, guilt, and emptiness. Suddenly, the God I knew so intimately was separated from me in order to “discipline” me to “act better”. I was tormented daily for four years in the belief that God was bringing pain into my life because I wasn’t good enough for Him. Yet, He would never tell me what I was doing wrong and as far as I and those close to me knew, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. My thoughts were, “Why would he discipline me for something that He’s not telling me I’m supposed to be doing?” I did everything I was told to perfection, exhausting myself with guilt for the smallest mistake. My life crumbled down, my friendships burdened, my joy retreated, I could no longer hear God’s voice and experience his presence like I used to. My love for Him hid behind anger. One day the teacher of my voice class looked at me with compassion and said, “There is absolutely no joy in your eyes.” That’s the way He wants me, I thought. 
     Around age 19 my life hit rock bottom. About that time, I began hearing the message of Grace from a pastor named Joseph Prince. The news was too good for me to believe all at once. Much of what was said went over my head. But at the same time, I began hearing God’s voice again and experiencing his presence. The pain in my life dropped immensely and I stopped attributing it to God. I remember the Lord romancing me with His kindness and love and singing over me in delight. I continued listening to Joseph Prince and God and slowly began emerging from the darkness of religion. Over the past couple years, the Lord began lifting me out of discouragement showing me that He wanted to teach me personally. So I learned about God through God, finding the fullness of my relationship (the one I had when 14) restored. I found friends who had come through similar life changes with God and learned of another pastor who preached grace, John Sheasby. Between God, John, and Joseph Prince I grew in love and my heart was strengthened by Grace. I realized that the reason I couldn’t receive grace in the past was because I had been trying to mix it with works, religion, the law. When I began being freed from those, it was as if I was hearing grace for the first time. I encouraged friends at my college and went around teaching Grace to the students and sharing whatever the Lord gave me for them. Lives were transformed and they encouraged me to continue speaking. 
      Today, I am more free than I have been my whole life. The heaviness, demands, worries, and stresses of life have fallen off of my shoulders because I know a secret that you may not hear in many sermons. God is not looking at our sins, He has forgot them. Instead when He sees us believers, He sees us as perfect as Jesus! This is the victory we have in Christ and his love is so exciting I can’t help but share it! That’s why I have this blog.

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